A Male's Perspective on Domestic Violence
Hey all! I'm Hayley - the founder of MADI Apparel. A few days ago, I had an intimate interaction/conversation with a man I've never met in the entryway of the post office. He spoke about domestic violence from his own perspective, one that I'd never previously considered and will stick with me forever...
Here's what happened:
As the day was escaping me and there were only a few minutes to spare before five o'clock, I was practically running (in fact, I'm pretty sure I was definitely running) toward the front door of USPS in Westport, Kansas City. A black man, about 65 years old with dreadlocked hair half covered by a smudged bandana, wearing a plaid long shirt, combat boots, carrying some odds and ends - had entered just before me. The man hustled back to grab the door, graciously holding it open for me to come inside.
He said, "I don't get to do this for a lady very often, I'm glad I had the chance to do so today!" (Referring to holding the door open for me.)
I responded, "Wow, thank you very much sir, I really appreciate it!"
He smirked and said, "I'm quite the gentleman, you know."
"Chivalry is definitely not dying anytime soon with you around!" I shot back.
Here's where his wisdom and transparency began to seep through his pores and into my own skin...
"Ya know...what men often fail to recognize, remember and understand is that the women they put their fists on and disrespect are THE SAME WOMEN who created them, birthed them, who Yahweh used so beautifully to put men on this earth. Men don't see that they wouldn't even be here today if it wasn't for women - so why do men abuse their women? They should be kind to our women...
My brother used to beat on his girlfriend, and I couldn't understand why he couldn't see what I see - that he would be nowhere without her (the figure that she represents.) We watched my father beat my mother for years. And, it just makes you cry...to see a man abusing the VERY SYMBOL that brought him to life. I wonder would these men beat their mothers this way? I doubt it, because they respect their mothers for bringing them life and providing for them. So, why do they beat their wives and girlfriends?"
At this point, I was so shocked and enlightened by the wisdom this stranger just laid on me. I'm a woman - who owns a company that donates underwear to women repairing their lives from sexual and physical abuse - and I'd never even considered this perspective.
"I'd like to tell you what I do, about the business I own," I said to him.
I proceeded to explain how I founded a cause-based women's underwear line. For every pair of underwear we sell, we donate a pair to a woman in a domestic violence shelter or rape clinic. I told him how a big reason we donate is not only for sanitary reasons, but for confidence boosting. Underwear is a woman's most intimate article of clothing, others won't know if she isn't wearing it, but she will know. It has the power to make a woman feel safe, confident and clean again. Undergarments are KEY - probably the most important article of clothing - in the repairing process of a sexually or physically abused woman.
He wanted to tell me what he does for a living...
"I am a soldier of Yahweh. I greatly appreciate what you are doing, because I, too, fight against Lucifer every single day - and we all must work together to resist the evils of the world."
Shocked, humbled and educated by this man that I will never forget. Happy to share with all of you about this interaction before too much time passed, before even a single ounce of my memories from him were able to slip from my brain.
Here's what stuck with me the most: "what men often fail to recognize, remember and understand is that the women they put their fists on and disrespect are THE SAME WOMEN who created them, birthed them, who Yahweh used so beautifully to put men on this earth."
Hayley - Founder, MADI Apparel